"Your baby is so happy! Look at that smile!"
To the outside world my response: "Oh thank you (with a huge, fake smile) he really is just such happy, easy baby."
Reality: "Oh no he just shit up his back and he is finally relieved he doesn't have trapped gas anymore."
"Look at how adorable your daughter is dressed."
Well yes when we actually do make it out in public I dress my children in the outrageously priced clothing I buy because when we are home she is running around in a diaper, mardi gras beads around her neck, screaming at me because I won't let her wear two different shoes and bucket on her head.
"You are so lucky you can stay at home with the kids, must be so fulfilling."
Super lucky that any job I would have, that paycheck would go straight to childcare because it cost as much as a five star resort. I do sincerely love staying home because I'm pretty sure at a 9-5 job when you feel like your head will explode you cannot bust open a bottle of wine. So what is really fulfilling is my 4 o clock cocktail. 4 is so close to 5, lets call it even.
"You and your husband are so cute and perfect."
LOL, perfect. Yes my husband and I are perfect for each other, we get along most the time. But do not think for a second that I do not go Britney Spears circa 2007 on him. While I am cooking dinner for my broad having one child in my arms and another holding onto my leg for dear life, he is taking a glorious 20 minute shower. Now I know mommies know exactly why that is frustrating, a mom taking a 20 minute shower, literally no mom ever.
To the outside world I think they believe we as moms sit at home and do pinterest inspired crafts, have quiet nap time, prepare three well balanced meals a day, sit and fold laundry while catching up on our favorite soap opera, by mid day we have the house cleaned, hit the grocery store and have taught the children a second language all before the hubby comes home and its time for dinner.
Little do they know...
I have a whole board of crafts and "sensory" DIY projects for my kids that I add a new pin to everyday. Have never, ever done a single one of them. My T.V. is on Disney channel from 7 am to 6 pm. Don't worry they use lots of bright colors, count just about every thing they possibly can and Dora throws out lots of Spanish, I'm just sure my children are picking up on all of this. Putting O down for a nap requires me putting her in her bed, closing the door, sitting down and 3 minutes later having to do that all over again because she knows how to open doors now. We repeat that 4 more times because she thinks it is a game. I really do try my best to balance out all the meals I make but some days more than I would like to admit Ophelia has a popsicle the second she wakes up because she is crying hysterically at the freezer door and I don't want her to wake up her brother. I despise doing laundry so I usually avoid it until my husband needs work clothes and does it all himself. (what a saint) By mid day I've kept the kids alive, had 2 cups of coffee and watched 4 episodes of Love it or List it. As for dinner I usually remember that will be something I need to do around 2 o clock while I am scrolling through pinterest and see a yummy recipe and quickly try and thaw something out in time.
You have it all together.
My respnonse: Not even close.
xoxo mommies.
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